One of the biggest complaints I hear in the counseling room are related to couples not feeling close, of having lost touch with each other. Sometimes this happens because of significant problems and differences between them that have driven them apart. Other times the emotional distance has been created to a large degree by the lack of time given to the relationship. It is easy to get carried away with the flood of responsibilities and things we manage in life. Let’s face it, the list never ends of things to do, places to go, people to see.
We know from Dr. Gottman’s research that couples that feel close have somehow managed to use the same 24 hours in a day that we all have, and dedicate some of that time to the relationship frequently. When they get off track they take a relationship “self correction” turn around and manage to find some time for each other.
One wonderful and simple ritual that many couples have incorporated into their lives is the six second kiss. Instead of the peck on the cheek when you greet each other or say good night, try a kiss that lasts for six seconds. This is a nice way to be mindful of and present to your partner. It is a way to communicate caring, attention and can really help you feel more connected to your partner. If you don’t feel ready for a kiss, modify; perhaps you could go for the six second hug.
Let’s see: Six seconds, twice a day, times seven days=84 seconds/week. This might be a timely consideration for your relationship. So next time you give your partner a kiss, give it a second thought – six seconds to be exact!